So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
