dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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