1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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