I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
