The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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