i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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