On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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