im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
