yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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