i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
