i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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