if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
