i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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