i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
