im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize