I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
