Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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