We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
