Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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