I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
