you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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