Please don't use social media to get back at me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
