We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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