sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
