he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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