You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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