no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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