Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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