Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
