He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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