very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize