Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this just has baby written all over it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
