A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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