literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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