the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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