look no pants
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
