His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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