I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
