oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
