I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
