It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
