I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
