Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize