She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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