He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
