I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
