party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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