Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How does one acquire holy water?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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