Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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