We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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