I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
