i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
