tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
