Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
