ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
