I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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