Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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