from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hello my rib-scented angel!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
