Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
