We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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