im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
