That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
