Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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