I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
