Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
