So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize