Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize